Unguarded Moments
by The Keddster
Summary: He loves moments like these, completely unguarded moments when words and the emotions behind them pour out of her, pure and unfiltered; when the feelings she guards so fiercely, all the thoughts she otherwise struggles to give voice to, come tumbling out of her mouth.


**A/N: As is the usual scenario with me, I toss around story ideas, I think I'm going to write something about 'A' and then suddenly 'B' pops into my head and won't leave me alone until I let it out. Well, this story is 'B'! I was going to post each 'moment' as a separate chapter but changed my mind… so here it is; the whole thing. Not episode-related; set over the course of their first year or so together. **

Disclaimer: I have applied my somewhat questionable writing abilities to characters not owned by me and written by people so much more talented than I can ever hope to be.

* * *

**Unguarded Moments**

"Love you." Kate Beckett mumbles against his shoulder as she snuggles closer.

Rick Castle loves moments like these, completely _unguarded_ moments when words and the emotions behind them pour out of her, pure and unfiltered; when the feelings she guards so fiercely, all the thoughts she otherwise struggles to give voice to, come flying out of her mouth with abandon.

In the year they've been together, these sudden declarations and blurted confessions have run the emotional gamut from heartfelt to playful, hot to hilarious and on more than one occasion, almost heart-stopping. They don't happen often but Castle has discovered there are four circumstances in which the likelihood of such utterances increases; four different versions of Kate Beckett that give rise to this phenomenon - sleepy Kate, sentimental Kate, nervous Kate and tipsy Kate.

He isn't sure which version of her he loves more, but he remembers his already-bursting heart almost splitting at the seams with joy the first time it happened.

* * *

Sleepy

Rick Castle in a tux and Kate Beckett in a black strapless gown clinging to all the places he loves to worship with his hands and mouth, is a potent and apparently irresistible combination for the writer and his favourite detective. As a result, they are now in her bed, sweaty and blissfully exhausted; an evening at a Children's Charity Ball culminating in a hot and somewhat desperate encounter that almost started in the hallway outside her apartment door. The charity event was for a cause close to Captain Gates' heart and in an effort to stay on her good side, Castle paid for an entire table and the whole gang was there.

Some of the potential recipients of the event's proceeds had made a brief appearance at the start of the evening and both Kate and Rick found themselves completely under the spell of a tiny, smart and nosey six year old who asked Kate if Castle was her boyfriend or just her date; to which he replied '_boyfriend_, but it's a secret' and she replied with a smile, 'my secret _date_'.

There was dancing, teasing, laughing and flirting in abundance all night, along with furtive glances, covert touches and one stolen, very heated kiss between the still-incognito couple. Keeping a lid on their passion in an effort to hide their budding relationship was beyond difficult and eventually the physical closeness of dancing with each other, their bodies as perfectly in rhythm in their vertical dance as they are in the age-old horizontal one, was more than they could bear.

The heat of the other's skin, the heady scent of cologne, perfume and arousal, the raw need in each other's eyes, and touching without really _touching_ was excruciating and after an agonizingly long cab ride at the end of the evening they barely made it into her building fully clothed. Now, entwined in a sated tangle of limbs, gentle hands continue to roam over newly-familiar curves, lips press barely-there kisses to cooling, salty skin and whispered voices recount the events of their night. Castle, even in his post-coital drowsiness, can't resist teasing Kate about her earlier refusal to use the term boyfriend.

"If you don't want to use the word _boyfriend_, then what am I? Your… Old man? Main squeeze? Companion? Your… _love muffin_?" He's rattling off all manner of colloquialisms as she snuggles into his side, smiling against the soft hairs of his chest.

"Love muffin. _Seriously_?" Kate mumbles with a sleepy chuckle. "Even after our secret's out, just try saying _love muffin _in a public place and see how quickly I can draw my weapon."

"Consort then? Lover? Or beau? What about, your _other half_?"

He is determined to have her choose a label and continues on until he feels her breathing begin to even out, her body sag heavily against his, and he thinks she's drifted off. Tightening his arm around her naked back he smiles contentedly, pulls the sheet over them and allows himself to give in to the languid pull of sleep... until he hears her barely audible whisper; and his heart almost stops.

"You're my everything."

* * *

Sentimental

"Kate, what's wrong?" Castle asks for a second time, his worried frown deepening at her obvious distress.

"I'm fine Castle. Just pour the coffee."

"Kate, you're not fine. You've been quiet since yesterday and this morning you're more than a little distracted. What's going on?"

Castle can feel his own anxiety levels peaking now. Things are going amazingly well between them, but despite this and despite the gentle reassurances she seems to instinctively know he needs after everything they've been through, Castle still occasionally finds himself vulnerable to moments of insecurity. His fear is that she will change her mind, put her wall back up, _run; _and right now her obvious agitation has him worried.

"Today is my Mom's birthday," Kate admits suddenly and her eyes lock with his, her gaze sombre.

Instead of feeling relief that Kate's distress has nothing to do with _them_, he feels a sudden sadness and a fierce protectiveness. He loves her and if he could take away the pain of the past, he would.

"Kate," he whispers, his voice soft but the single syllable of her name is thick with emotion as he opens his arms to her and she immediately steps into the comforting circle of his embrace.

There are no words, nothing even a professional wordsmith can say that will ease the painful reality of a day like this so Castle simply holds her; brushes the occasional tear from her cheek and makes soothing circles on her back with large gentle hands. He is brushing soft kisses against her hair when she eventually leans away from him and he has to fight the urge to tighten his grasp.

If she needs a little space he'll give it to her, albeit reluctantly, but when their eyes meet again she smiles tearfully, "Will you come to her grave with me?"

"Of course I will," he says and lowers his head to kiss her softly on the mouth.

He feels her tears against his lips despite the smile, and when they separate he can see a hesitant look in her eyes.

"I've never taken anyone there before," she admits, a slight quiver in her voice. "And I know it sounds ridiculous and uncharacteristically sentimental, but I want to _introduce _the two of you."

"It's not ridiculous Kate," he says as his throat tightens and his eyes sting with tears. "I'd be honoured."

She leans back into him then, her lips seeking his and she kisses him deeply. It's an intense melding of pliant lips and searching tongues; not a kiss that ignites the ever-smouldering passion between them, but one filled with deep emotion, gratitude, awe. It's powerful and possessive and they are both trembling when it ends.

Kate presses herself tighter into his embrace and her cheek is against his chest when she breathes, "I wish you could've met her. You would've liked her and she would've loved you. Not as much as I do but..."

Castle inhales sharply and Kate can feel his heart begin thundering against his ribs as she lifts her gaze back to his; her sudden declaration washing over both of them. Not exactly how she envisaged telling him she loves him but it's out now, and the way he's looking at her makes her think that maybe this was the perfect way to say it; so she says it again, three simple words this time.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Castle breathes, barely able to speak, and as they melt into each other he adds silently; _and every time you share another little piece of yourself with me, share another side of yourself, I love you a little bit more. It's nice to meet you 'sentimental Kate' and I can't wait to officially _meet_ your Mom._

* * *

Nervous

"Kate, will you stop fidgeting. You're starting to make _me_ nervous."

"I'm not nervous."

"As much as I'd like to believe your rapid pulse, sweaty palms and flushed cheeks are the result of dirty and lustful thoughts about me, I strongly suspect they're due to our imminent appearance on the red carpet," Castle jokes, taking her hand as he bestows an eye roll on her that is alarming in its similarity to those she frequently levels at _him._

They are attending opening night of a new Off Broadway production and it is their first _official_ public appearance as a couple.

"Okay, so maybe I'm a tiny bit nervous," Kate admits with an absolutely terrified smile that betrays the true extent of her anxiety.

"The 'paps' will be in a frenzy for about fifteen minutes and I'm pretty confident we'll end up on Page Six, but otherwise, this should be pretty low key; fun even," he grins at her and squeezes her hand reassuringly.

"Jeez, I'd forgotten about Page Six. Thanks for reminding me."

Castle glances worriedly at her but the wide, albeit nervous smile she gives him lets him know she's okay.

"You are the most gorgeous woman here and you're on the arm of your ruggedly handsome boyfriend so you've got nothing to worry about; except maybe that I won't be able to keep my hands off you."

Kate glares at him and warns him in her best 'cop voice', "Absolutely no inappropriate PDAs remember, or there _will _be consequences."

Castle gulps at the memory of the threats to his personal safety, not to mention his _manhood_, that Kate made during the week; but she looks so spectacular in her long, almost backless red dress, split on the front and showing off her magnificent legs.

As they finally step in front of the crowd he can see the manic flashing of the cameras reflected in her nervous hazel eyes and in effort to distract her he whispers, "I remember with terrifying clarity what you said you'll do to certain parts of my _anatomy_ if I grope you in public, but I so want to drag you into a dark corner, slide my hands under that dress and…"

"Richard Castle, if you want to father my children one day, you'll keep your hands and your dirty thoughts to yourself," she hisses, initially unaware of exactly what she has just said, what she just unwittingly admitted.

Kate feels her cheeks flush an even deeper shade of pink as realisation dawns. When she's nervous, her brain-to-mouth filter often desserts her and she has just admitted she wants to have little Castle babies.

They are both now completely oblivious to the crowds and the cameras as her sudden revelation sinks in. A grin breaks out across Castle's face first, followed immediately by Kate's wide smile. It's the smile he first saw the day the bank blew up, the one that she only ever gives _him_; all teeth, and bright adoring eyes crinkling slightly at the corners, boring into his.

"I'm going to _marry_ you first and then Kate, _then_ we can make beautiful babies together," he whispers close to her ear as he slides his arm around her, splaying a large palm possessively over the bare expanse of her back. "Just tell me when."

"OK," Kate gasps softly, a little stunned that they appear to be having the 'marriage and babies talk' right now... and right _here_.

Unbeknownst to them in that moment, their little exchange is caught on camera and the photo that later appears on Page Six not only captures the adoring gazes of two people obviously and absolutely besotted with each other, but also forever immortalises the moment Kate Beckett _unofficially _agrees to marry Richard Castle.

* * *

Tipsy

"Katherine Beckett and Lanie Parish, are you both hammered?"

"No," the two women answer in unison, twin looks of righteous indignation on their faces. Their slightly unsteady gaits and glassy, unfocussed gazes do very little for their credibility however.

"Well _ladies_, I beg to differ," Castle chuckles.

The BFFs have just spent a long-planned and more than a little overdue 'girl's night in' together and Castle has arrived at Kate's apartment after having dinner with Alexis, just as Lanie is leaving on decidedly unsteady legs. Both women are more than little inebriated and Castle does the gentlemanly thing and escorts Lanie out of the building.

On the elevator ride down, Castle chuckles as the Medical Examiner teeters precariously whilst managing to grin knowingly at him.

"What?" he asks, curious as to the reason for her expression because Lanie is almost as accomplished as Kate at levelling people with a _look_; a gaze that can be uncomfortably penetrating and sometimes downright scary.

"You're good for her."

"We're good for each other," he says sincerely

"She's happy," Lanie adds with a genuine smile. "You're definitely doing _somethin'_ right Writerboy."

"I like to think so."

"Oh honey, I _know _so. My girl up there, she gets very _chatty _when she's drunk. She could easily drink both of _us_ under the table but once she's loaded, she's been known to divulge a veritable wealth of information; and no prizes for guessin' her favourite topic tonight."

Castle can't help but be impressed that someone in Lanie's current state of inebriation can successfully utter words like veritable and it distracts him briefly; but as she raises an eyebrow he refocuses and finds himself the recipient of her far-too-knowing gaze. As he sees her safely into a cab, he wonders just what the hell the two of them talked about while they were polishing off three bottles of wine.

He lets himself back inside Kate's apartment and is immediately met by the warmth of her body as she presses herself against him, a slightly unfocussed but hungry look in her eye and he strongly suspects _he _might have featured heavily in their girly chit-chat.

"I missed you," Kate whispers against his mouth, giving a very un-Beckett-like and adorably drunk giggle as she lists into him. When she boldly swipes her tongue over his lower lip he opens to her, the delicious melding of warm, eager mouths quickly escalating into a scorching kiss.

Castle can taste the wine mingling with the intoxicating taste that is one hundred percent Kate Beckett and despite his relative sobriety, he feels a little unsteady. Even after almost a year, she can still make him weak at the knees with just a kiss.

"Take me to bed, Castle." Kate purrs hotly against the side of his neck and begins unbuttoning his shirt.

Despite his rapidly escalating desire, he can't help but chuckle as she struggles with the fine motor coordination required to deal with his buttons.

"Need any help there?" he asks mirthfully.

"No, I got it," she replies, her brow furrowed in concentration, her teeth pressing firmly into her lower lip as her fingers fumble over the troublesome fasteners.

"God you're stubborn," he laughs when he tries to help her and she swats his hands away. His amusement only intensifies when he moves slightly and she sways unsteadily; her balance apparently somewhat dependant on _him_.

She giggles again as she stumbles and surprises him when she mumbles, "I think I'm a little bit drunk."

"Ya think?"

"Well, maybe more than a little bit," she confesses, meeting his gaze and smiling. "We had fun though. Lots of laughing and talking."

"Lots of Merlot too apparently," he teases. "So what did you two talk about?"

"Secret women's business," she replies, leaning into him again and nipping playfully at his ear as she nudges him towards her bedroom. "If I tell you, I'll have to kill you."

"Maybe you should've told Lanie it was a secret. She hinted that _I_ might've been one of your more popular subjects," he continues to tease as they reach the edge of the bed.

She silences him briefly with another kiss, this one more playful than the last but still hot and arousing and _damn she's sexy _he thinks as she tackles the only article of clothing devoid of any complicated fastener; her shirt, which she removes with surprising ease.

Castle briefly wonders if he should feel guilty about having carnal knowledge of someone so obviously under the influence, because all of their previous less-than-sober encounters have happened whilst they were equally intoxicated. But when she levels him with an almost predatory look, shoves him backwards onto the mattress and lands, a little less than gracefully, on top of him, all his well-intentioned self-restraint evaporates.

"Kate," he moans as her mouth descends on his chest, the fabric of his shirt open where her earlier attempts had succeeded in undoing a single button.

"Hmmm?"

"Kate, are you sure you're okay to…" His question is cut short as he gasps in startled surprise, her hand boldly and thoroughly stroking him through the fabric of his pants.

Her reply is another heated kiss and a second, surprisingly dextrous stroke of her hand, until she eventually drags her mouth from his and announces that they are both wearing far too many clothes.

There is more giggling as Kate fumbles with different articles of clothing. They are well-practiced at getting each other naked but in her current state of inebriation the process takes twice as long as it usually would; and when she swats his hand away from her jeans, insisting that _she's got it _he risks serious physical harm by laughing at her hopping on one foot as she tries to remove her ridiculously skinny jeans. He's semi-reclined on the bed wearing only his boxers as he watches her antics, more amused than aroused now and when she overbalances and falls rather unceremoniously across his chest he wraps his arms around her and kisses her rather chastely.

"Kate, I think you need to get some sleep before you hurt yourself," he chuckles. "And some water might be wise, given the very large hangover I suspect is in your future."

"But I wanna get my freak on," she almost whines. "With yoooouu."

"Kate, Kate, Kate. One evening of alcohol fuelled girl-talk and now you're actually _channelling_ Lanie."

"She wanted to talk about _ussss_ you know. She likes details." Kate confesses suddenly. "Wanted to know if you lived up to your reputation."

"And what reputation would that be?" he asks with a mixture of alarm and amusement. He has many _reputations; _some he's proud of… others, not so much.

"Mostly your skills in the bedroom," she admits with a grin, her words completely unfiltered.

"And I don't suppose you're gonna tell me what you said?" Castle asks, not sure if he should be morally outraged or beating his chest in 'cavemanesque' pride. _Wait 'til she tells you her verdict before you decide, _he tells himself.

"I told her we were very compatible in that department."

"_Compatible _huh? That's one way of putting it." Castle smiles as Kate wriggles into a more comfortable position, semi-atop his supine form and nestles her head into the crook of his neck. He is making random circles over her lower back with one hand when he adds. "Is that all you said?"

"Nope."

Castle waits for her to elaborate but quickly realises that the alcohol that has so delightfully loosened her tongue is now rapidly nudging her towards sleep. He hears a soft yawn before her body completely relaxes against him, her breathing slowing and he gently rolls to his side before tightening his arms around her. She snuggles closer and he marvels, not for the first time, at how their bodies are a _perfect_ fit; in this position and in other, more intimate ones.

_Mind-blowingly perfect_ he is thinking as Kate stirs again, this time sighing loudly before splaying a hand across his chest; and when he presses a kiss to her forehead she leans into him and mumbles, "Hmmm. Best sex _ever_."

Before he gives into the gentle pull of sleep Castle finally allows himself to have his 'caveman' moment; because this beautiful, intelligent, intoxicat-_ing_, intoxicat-_ed, extraordinary_ woman is his, and he is hers, and apparently he's the best she's ever had.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Hope it was worth the effort and if you can spare another minute, please review. Favourites and follows are awesome, but your opinion is inspiring.**


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